falling with grace: a round of applause…please
It was over 25 years ago. I was in school at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana and walking to a class. It was a blistery cold day, and we had experienced a winter storm the evening before, so the sidewalks and streets were covered with a combination of ice and snow. Per usual I was moving fast. I began to cross the street, right in front of a pizza restaurant with a huge storefront glass window. It was the lunch hour and the restaurant was packed. My boot hit a patch of ice, and I went flying, landing hard on the ground. I quickly looked up to see the restaurant full of patrons staring at me. I was mortified. My first inclination was to get out of view as soon as possible. However, just as quickly as I started to act on that I was struck by another thought—why not take a bow? It was quite the performance, and the lucky patrons got pizza and a show. Why not own it? So, totally out of character for me, I stood up and took a bow. And I am proud to say I received a few claps and a thumbs up. The claps and the thumbs up left me feeling satisfied, not mortified, for the rest of the day.
This memory came to mind as I was thinking about falling with grace. Even though technically, my fall was not graceful, my response to the fall was a step in the right direction. Throughout life we experience missteps, yet we are rarely taught how to deal with these in a productive and graceful manner. We often respond by being defensive, blaming others, and not holding ourselves accountable. These responses prevent us from embracing the falls as learning opportunities. Recently I posted the following quote on LinkedIn, “It is not enough to know how to ride—you must also know how to fall.” The quote received an overwhelming response which got me thinking…
As leaders of early care and education programs, your staff is looking to you not only for guidance but also as a model of behavior. If you demonstrate gracefulness and growth when you do things you wish you had not, your staff will be more likely to embrace grace after their own falls. Yet, directors are rarely taught how to do this. The following are a few ideas for how to respond in those instances when you fall, be it on ice or in some other way.
Own it. I did not want to accept the fact that I fell on my bum in front of a crowd of people. When we mess up, we may be inclined to hide, hoping that if we are out of sight, our mistake is no longer in the minds of others. We may also be tempted to ignore it, acting as if it never happened and hoping no one noticed. Yet, missteps are opportunities for learning. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and be honest with yourself and staff about what happened, apologize when needed, and reflect on what can be learned. Staff will be more likely to respect you for being authentic and transparent. In owning it you are also modeling this behavior and creating a culture where people do not feel shamed for making a mistake.
Check your emotions. It is natural to feel embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or upset after doing something you wish you had not. Identify your emotions and reflect on what is causing you to feel the way you do. While I was in midair, I knew I was embarrassed, and I think this immediate awareness helped me to move forward and take control of it. When we can recognize our emotions and what triggered them, we are more able to control them and move beyond the behaviors that often come with them. Sometimes it helps to state the obvious, “Well that was embarrassing.” Simply expressing how you feel can be a relief and it is likely to make you more relatable to staff.
Reflect. Being self-aware includes being reflective. Reflecting on your actions, feelings, and thinking provides perspective. With greater perspective comes insight. Pausing, and giving yourself time to reflect on those things you regret often provides new ideas, knowledge, and understanding. All of which contribute to growth and new learning. Taking time to process the situation helps us determine the best course of action moving forward. Realizing I could take a bow rather than run away after falling on the ice shifted my perspective on the situation and ultimately left me feeling more in control. Reflection allows you to go back and right wrongs as well as determine new options for the future.
Avoid blame. It is so easy to place blame on people, circumstances, …ice. Focusing on blame means we are not focused on solving the problem, fixing the mistake, or growing from the situation. People become focused on proving they are not to blame, rather than working productively to improve the situation. Blame also creates a culture of avoidance. And, let’s face it, blaming others does not contribute to a graceful fall or create respect. It is more likely to do the opposite. If you are tempted to place blame, analyze the situation from an investigative and solutions-based perspective instead.
Ask for and be open to feedback. Asking for feedback opens the door to dialogue. And, depending on how you ask for feedback and how you respond to it, sets the tone for continuous improvement. If you respond with a genuine appreciation for the information being shared people are more likely to share honestly. When you respond with defensiveness people are less likely to share honest feedback and it discourages them from sharing feedback in the future. The feedback you receive can help you grow. So, asking for feedback and responding with the genuine intent to improve demonstrates an openness to new ideas and it models this for others.
Show appreciation. Feedback is a gift. It often provides us with a new perspective, new insight, and information that may help us improve. Even if we decide not to use the feedback we have received, we can still grow from the information it provides. Thank those who have taken the time to offer you these new ways of considering a situation and new ideas for moving forward. This encourages them to provide honest feedback again and models for them to do the same.
Share what you learn. When something does not go as planned, we can learn from it. I think twice now about walking fast on ice and I also learned a new way to respond if it happens again. Take the time to reflect on what happened and explore why it happened. Look for lessons as well as solutions and use these as examples for staff. You might also involve staff in this review process. Ask for their insights and ideas for avoiding the same challenges in the future.
Modeling these ideas for responding gracefully to mistakes is just one way to help staff demonstrate grace when they make mistakes. As a director of an early care and education program it is equally as important to work with staff directly on their responses to situations that do not go as planned or those that are handled in “disgraceful” ways. The attached resource, Reflecting on Missteps, includes a series of questions to pose to staff as they reflect on how they handled a situation in a less than desirable way.
While I hope to never again fall in front of a large crowd of people, I am sure that I will fall during plenty of other circumstances throughout my life. And as a leader, I know that others will be watching to see how I behave as I get back up. I hope that the next time you take a tumble, you follow it up with a bow—generating applause for how you handle the situation, while also turning it into a learning opportunity.
Bella, J.M. (2025). Falling with Grace: A Round of Applause…Please. bella mattina.
Interested in learning more? If you coordinate professional development for a group of directors, the Leadership Essentials professional development opportunities provide additional ways to learn more about intrapersonal and interpersonal leadership skills. Find out more about these and other trainings at https://www.bellamattinaconsulting.com/services-administrators.
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